This is my 3rd trip with Berean for missions. The first two were "vision trips" for Korea (만세~~), but this will be my first time going to Taiwan. It might just be the country, but something feels different.
It’s been over a year since my last trip, and what a year it’s been. God has brought me through life transitions, surrendering my own will for His, daily wrestling, and tasting and seeing that He is so good. Praise God🌟
With all of my thoughts, I don’t know how to summarize His work better than this: the more sin I see in my heart, the deeper I realize my need for Christ. Simply put, the gospel grows sweeter with each trial He uses to refine, and I'm learning to count each one with joy (James 1:2–4).
God had to do major work in my heart and even my brain. As a doer, growing in holiness seems like a matter of self discipline, and repentance is simply recognizing that I’ve failed and need to do better. Or so I thought. Clearly the Lord knows I need to see more of my sin, realize more of my helplessness, and kill any self boasting.
Unfortunately, that is easier said than done. Though He prunes in love, it hurts as a part of me, the old me, dies with each cut. My instinct of self-preservation fights back, holding onto things I foolishly believe will satisfy. I'm embarrassed of the gap between what I know vs what I believe, but hating the feeling of shame, I pretend to be the righteous person I'm not—only to realize the inevitibility of being undone when exposed before the holy God.
I became insecure, unwilling to trust myself when I know I'm too corrupt, too weak, and too easily deceived. But God's Word proves true, a lamp for my feet, and it equips as needed.
I came across Colossians 2:9-12, Psalm 16:1-2, and Romans 5:6-11. As our church studies through Genesis, I see myself in each account of man's decision to do what is right in their own eyes. Praise God that I also see His hand in every line, carrying out His plans despite man.
He is graciously at work in me. As I find less confidence in myself, I’m finding my footing in trusting God Almighty instead. My hope is in Him, His work, His plans, His wisdom, and I will not be ashamed. I’ve been loving Psalm 25 for that (Psalm 25:1–2).
I suppose that’s why this trip feels different. My heart goes out for the lost. I know for myself how sin deceives and entices, so I know how desperately—albeit unknowingly—the sinner needs the Savior. But my hands are unclean, and my flesh is weak. How can I plead with others to turn away from loving the world when I know my heart is prone to do the same? I am a sinner reaching out to other sinners; the only difference is that I received God's more‑than‑abundant grace that forgives and cleanses. For that, I am thankful for the great privilege of this testimony as an example for others (1 Timothy 1:15–16).
As my trust in the Lord grows, prayer has become a necessity: for strength, wisdom, a pure heart. I am able to boast in my weakness because I know the Almighty One hears and answers our prayers. So for this trip, I pray more would come to trust Him to be their Lord and their portion, for He is worthy.
"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen."
Keep us in humility, willing to serve and trusting God in His good plans.
I often desire control to produce what I think is the "best" outcome. This leads to discouragement if the results aren't what I wanted. I'm praying for our team, especially myself, to go as servants, ready to do His will, trusting in His good wisdom. His ways are unsearchable and He knows far more than me.
Grant physical strength and keep me resting in Him.
I get overstimulated on trips like this, so I become irritable or just check out... It helps when I'm fully satisfied in Him, filled to continue pouring into those around me.
Soften the hearts of cousins I'm visiting in Korea the following week.
There's Kyungjoo (son graduated high school), Juha (daughter in high school), and finally, there's Hana (daughter in middle school).
Please pray for softened hearts willing to have intentional conversations about their worldview and faith. Like most Koreans, they're ambitious for looks and academic success, so I hope I hope to share the gospel boldly, planting seeds for the Lord to use mightily.
Those who know me know I think too much, and for that reason, writing takes too long. Sadly.
However, I love videos, and I love showing more than telling. So I plan to send out video diaries rather than letters. You use the link below to share your email with me if you're interested.